KolonG "sorry mom, i'm gay.."

July 1996, I remember that day when mom picked me from school before long vacation and i passed to the next grade, I said, “Mom, I’m gay.” I felt liberated - car silence, music off got no idea to heard her response- until I realized that she wanted to push me out of the car. Good thing I wasn’t liberated from my seat belt.
I decided to tell her and she was mad at me already. Yes, and she called me the smart child. Besides, how much deeper could I dig myself? Well, it turns out, pretty far.

“Mom, I’m gay.”

The car swerved to the left. Honk. Then to the right. Beep. As she straightened out, I realized I had just blabbed the secret of a lifetime; some people keep this inside their whole lives while I blurted it out.

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am,” I responded, just for the sake of contradicting her. “Look, I’m going out on a limb to tell you. It’s not easy for me.” Well, there it was. It just came out. Once I got going, it was pretty easy.

“I just want you to be normal. Don’t you want to be normal?”

“I do! This has nothing to do with being normal!” An argument. Things were getting interesting.

“Then fix it. Don’t be gay, you're my only son in family!”

Oh, if I could have screamed, I would have! Fix it? There’s nothing to be fixed! Toilets need to be fixed! My sexuality? Nope! Being gay isn’t something I could do anything about. I was mad, so I huffed and puffed in silence as she drove, white-knuckled, down the highway.

Couples day after, we're in huge great house beside the mean street, Names Dr.Fahry, mom's friend, he's psychiatre, At the therapist’s office, I bawled about how unlucky I was to have a mother who lacked understanding, was uncaring and was a bad driver. He called my mom in, saying the three of us needed to talk.

Mom walked in with a fake smile. I wanted to tell her to wipe it off, but that wasn’t what we were here for. She sat next to me and I started analyzing her every move. Okay, she sat down next to me. That’s good. Extra long blink. Not good. She doesn’t even want to look at me. She’s shifting in her seat. She’s uncomfortable. Or maybe she’s trying to get closer to me. Or farther away.

“Hello? Earth to you, dear.”

“Umm.” Perfect. I felt like an idiot. Dr.Fahry was being paid huge amounts of money to hear me say umm and analyze my mother’s every move? I was so busy looking at my mom that I’d completely missed what he had been saying.

“I think you know that Mom loves you no matter what. And Mom, this isn’t an attention thing. I’ve known this for a while. It’s no big secret.” Well, not anymore!

We went home that evening pretending nothing had happened. I was careful not to distract my mother.

And today? Well, we’re getting along. I’ve learned to love the fact that I like boys and i'am secure in my sexuality, I’ve been able to tell other people. I’m not ashamed anymore. It’s who I am. I’ll always like boys. My mother may not exactly love it, but she should deal with it. sorry mom...i love you, you know i do, forever, no mater who i am and what i'm like to be...