KolonG "How to be a better Bottom"

Bottoming ( being fucked ) is just as much fun as Topping ( fucking ), and if done right can be the gateway to sensual delights man hath not even dreamed of.
There are always new ways in which you can be a better bottom. As a versatile boy I get the best of both worlds and I want to share with you some of the tricks that I have picked up during my shenanigans.

Before we co any further we need to get the uncomfortable stuff out of the way. It may be yucky to think about but there is no point proceeding any further without having first discussed “preparation”. Lots of people avoid talking about this part and yet funnily enough it is the thing I get asked about the most. Getting yourself ready to bottom is important both for your comfort and peace of mind. It will be impossible to relax if you are worrying about having an “accident”.

Position.

Position is important and if your Top is not driving the situation then don’t be afraid to move around and get him where you want to go. Starting by sitting on top of him is a good way to begin if you are having trouble relaxing or experiencing pain. If you are on top you can control the angle and depth until you have loosened up enough to change positions.

Find a good lube.

Lube is important and a bad lube can ruin a hot session just as easily as forgetting to douche. Don’t be sucked in by cheap generics. If you are going to enjoy yourself then get the good stuff. Remember lube doesn’t just help him slide it in, it also helps him slide out and in and out and in and out and in. Everyone has a favourite, personally I like the silicon based Swiss Navy, if find the water based stuff tends to dry out and get sticky.

Move it, grind it, bounce it.

Moving around is important. Don’t be a starfish. One thing that drives a lot of Tops crazy is when the bottom pushes back to meet his thrusts. Don’t be afraid to be a little bit aggressive. If going doggy style arch your back to make your ass really pop, it also makes it easier for the Top to access you and  helps prevent those frustrating slip outs.

Grinding your hips is another great trick. If you are sitting on top and you grind it just right you can hit your prostate and clench your ass muscles at the same time to drive your Top nuts! Once the heat turns up and you are feeling in the swing of things go for the bounce but be careful not to go too far or too fast. Coming down too hard or letting him slip out is a sure way to cause an injury. Alternate the grind and bounce for a real treat.

Scratch, bite and moan.

You have arms… use them. Run your nails down his back ( gently, we aren't getting all Wolverine on him… yet ), pull him into you to show him you want it. Nibble on his ear, neck and arms, be gentle, it’s not a Twilight rerun. If you like something the easiest way to let a guy know is to moan, softly, loudly, whatever…  you will know what’s appropriate.

Grooming.

Keeping things neat and tidy down there will help keeps things running smoothly. You don’t have to be hairless, every top will have their own preference. Try to avoid shaving right before sex though. Apart from the health risks of cuts, stubble can also cause chaffing to your Tops equipment while causing ingrown hairs and stubble rash to you. A good lube helps avoid this but it’s worth mentioning.

It’s sex, not porn.

If you are new to Sex and to Bottoming remember that Sex is fun but it is also messy and awkward at times. The best thing is to know your limits and approach it with a sense of humor. Sure double penetration looks hot on Corbin Fisher but it’s probably not something you want to try for your first time. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that if you can’t take it like a porn star then you are no good. Focus on what you find pleasurable and on what your partner enjoys and you can’t really go wrong.

http://aussiespacetimetraveller.com

KolonG "How To Be A Great Top for your bot partner"

Screwing a guy should be as much about giving him pleasure, as getting it for yourself.
One thing that you can do to enhance your partner's pleasure is to use longer strokes. A lot of guys tend to slip their 'member' inside their partner, and just use quick short strokes. Boring.

If you're a guy with a sizable endowment (congratulations), or a guy with a partner that doesn't get screwed too often and is really tight, there are a couple of things you can do to make things easier for him.
One is to first loosen him up. You can rim him or you can finger him. Select a lube that you prefer if you're going to finger him. Work a single finger up his butt and see how he reacts, then try two, if you're feeling adventurous and so is he, try three. Don't move the fingers in and out too much, let your partner get used to idea of having something inside of him.

Once he feels comfortable, try slipping just your head inside of him. As you feel it slip in then stop and hold it there for a while. As your partner adjusts push in a little more. If you see your partner wince then stop and hold it there, pull out just a little if he needs you to.
This way you should eventually be able to get most if not all of your 'member' inside of him. Once you do, use long strokes for the maximum amount of pleasure. Try not to pull completely out of him while screwing. That can cause air to get packed inside your partner's bum which can lead to some rather embarrassing results. Though slipping the head in and out of your partner's butt can be a wonderful way to tease him.
Don't forget about your partner's 'member' while screwing him. If his 'member' is accessible play with it, it can also be fun to slap his bum playfully while doing him.

Screwing can get pretty routine. If you're used to one or two positions only, we urge you to try new ones. Encourage your partner to try new ways. Also try different locations, other than your bedroom or bed. Have you ever been on a secluded country road and bent your partner over the hood of a car while screwing him? On the balcony of your house/apartment? In a sex club or in a hot tub? Have you ever done it on a hillside while overlooking a beautiful view, or on a beach on a starry night? You can try different places around your house too. As popular a stereotype as it may be - we don't recommend airplane lavatories, they are usually way too cramped, and if you think the flight attendants won't notice? - well, don't be surprised if they offer you a cigarette after you come out.

When it comes to lubes there is a wide variety of choices that are available to you. Everything from spit to tons of commercial brands. We're not too fond of commercial sex lubricants. They tend to get too sticky, or they dry up, or they can be way too slick, or they are a big pain to clean up. One lube that gets overlooked quite often is a good water based hand and body lotion.
We prefer lotion because there is a lot less stuff to clean up, they tend to absorb somewhat (where sex lubes do not), and they provide just enough lubrication to make things comfortable, and not so much that you feel like you're screwing a moist rag.

http://www.queerlife.co.za/test/sextalk/gay-sextalk

KolonG "Tips For Giving Oral Pleasure That'll Drive Him Crazy"

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KolonG "9 reasons you should have sex everyday"

If you thought that the only benefit of sex was, well,  pleasure, here's some news for you. Making love is good for adults. And making love regularly is even better.
Not only does it help you sleep well, relieve stress and burn calories, there are also several other reasons why you need to have sex more often.

Improves cardiovascular health A recent study says that men who have sex more than twice a week, have a lesser risk of getting a heart attack, than men who had sex less than once a month.

Increases immunity Regular lovemaking increases the level of the immune-boosting antibody immunological A (IgA), which in turn makes your body stronger against illnesses like the common cold and fever.

Reduces stress Stressed out with work or family problems? Don't let it affect your performance in the bedroom. Not only will having sex improve your mood, but a study has also proven that folks, who indulge in regular bedroom activities can handle stress better and are happier people.

Relieves pain If you're using a headache as an excuse to not make love, stop doing that. Have sex instead, because, when you're about to have an orgasm, the level of the hormone oxytocin increases by five times. This endorphin actually reduces aches and pains.

Promotes longevity When one has an orgasm, a hormone called dehydroepiandrosterone is released. This improves immunity, repairs tissue and keeps the skin healthy. Men, who have at least two orgasms a week, live longer than men who have sex just once every few weeks.

Increases blood circulation Because your heart rate increases when you have sex, fresh blood is supplied to your organs and cells. While used blood is removed, the body also expels toxins and other materials that cause you to feel tired.

You sleep better The sleep that you get just after you've made love will be much more relaxed. Getting a good night's sleep will make you feel alert and overall healthy.

Improves overall fitness If you find going to the gym mundane or working out at home a task, here's another way to help you lose the flab and keep in shape. Regular sex will do wonders for your waistline. Half an hour of lovemaking burns more than 80 calories.

Increases levels of Oestrogen and testosterone In men, the hormone testosterone is what makes them more passionate in the sack. Not only will it make you feel way better in bed, but it also improves your muscles and bones, keeps your heart healthy and keeps a check on your cholesterol. In women, on the other hand, the hormone oestrogen protects them against heart disease and also determines a woman's body scent.

HAVE YOU ALREADY SEX TODAY?

KolonG "Manfaat Menelan Sperma" [2nd part]

Apakah menelan sperma atau sperma tertelan itu berbahaya? Pertanyaan ini sering diajukan oleh kalangan gay. Karena memang teknik oral-seks (fellatio) merupakan salah satu kegiatan seks yang umum dan sering dilakukan dalam hubungan seks sejenis.

Mitos menelan sperma bisa membuat awet muda juga belum bisa dibuktikan kebenarannya secara ilmiah. Termasuk pula mitos kandungan gizi di dalam sperma yang setara dengan sekian liter susu, juga masih diperdebatkan. Jadi Untuk mengetahui jawabanya, harus melihat beberapa hal yang berkaitan dengan tertelannya sperma, diantaranya kandungan zat dalam sperma, dan kesehatan organ intim.
Bicara mengenai sperma tertelan bisa dipastikan ada hubungannya dengan aktifitas Oral Seks. Sebagai bagian dari aktivitas seks di kalangan gay, memang tidak menjadi sebuah keharusan, karena toh masih banyak juga alternatif hubungan seks yang lain. Namun beberapa pasangan gay menjadikan aktivitas oral-seks sebagai aktivitas utama.

Hal ini sangat tergantung sekali dengan pengalaman seks pasangan atau pemahaman tentang seks. Pada seks oral yang dilakukan oleh banyak kalangan gay, memang terkadang sering berakhir pada ejakulasi di dalam mulut, dan karena inilah kenapa sperma bisa tertelan. Yang perlu diwaspadai adalah apakah bagian intim dari pasangan seks tersebut sehat?
Jika mengalami infeksi berupa penyakit kelamin, tentu sangat beresiko terhadap kesehatan. Begitu juga jika ditemukan adanya luka makro pada mulut pasangan, misalnya sariawan, penyakit radang gusi dan sebagainya, maka sperma yang tertelan bisa saja menularkan penyakit. Belum lagi luka mikro yang seringkali tidak pernah kita sadari.
Cairan semen dan sperma yang masuk ke mulut akan turun ke lambung, dan bercampur dengan asam lambung lantas turun ke usus, kemudian dicerna bersama dengan makanan lainnya. Mulut, lambung dan usus adalah bagian dari sistem pencernaan tubuh dan bukan sistem reproduksi sehingga menelan sperma tidak akan menyebabkan kehamilan.
Dan jika tidak ada luka (baik luka makro ataupun mikro), maka sperma yang tertelan tidak akan berdampak buruk. Namun sebaliknya, jika ada luka (baik luka makro ataupun luka mikro), maka menelan sperma sangat beresiko tertular berbagai penyakit.
Untuk itu sebelum melakukan aktifitas oral seks ada baiknya mengikuti beberapa tips sehat oral seks seperti pada ulasan disini.

Permasalahan lain adalah kaitannya dengan kandungan zat dalam sperma itu sendiri. Apakah sperma memiliki zat gizi yang bermanfaat ataukah justru mengandung zat yang berbahaya?

Berikut ini adalah beberapa kandungan zat kimia dalam sel sperma:
Calcium: Komposisi ini sangat berguna untuk tulang dan gigi bahkan untuk menjaga fungsi otot dan syaraf.
Citric Acid: Berguna untuk mencegah penggumpalan darah dalam tubuh
Creatine: Berguna untuk menambah tenaga dan pembentukan otot dan juga dapat berfungsi sebagai pembakar lemak dalam tubuh
Ergothioneine: Berfungsi sebagai pelindungan kulit dari kerusakan DNA
Fructose: Dapat berfungsi sebagai pencerna gula dalam tubuh yang sangat bermanfaat sebagai pencegah penyakit diabetes. Kebanyakan Fructose juga berbahaya karena bisa menyebabkan penyakit asam urat.
Glutathione: Komposisi kimia ini sangat berguna sebagai obat pencegah kanker, mencegah penggumpalan darah selama operasi dan menambah kemanjuran obat kemoterapi.
Inositol: Berfungsi mencegah kerontokan pada rambut
Lactic Acid: Berfungsi sebagai bahan untuk luka bakar dan luka pembedahan
Lipid: Berfungsi sebagai pembakar lemak
Pyruvic Acid: Berfungsi sebagai penyubur
Sorbitol: Dipergunakan oleh ahli farmasi sebagai bahan untuk mengatasi sembelit
Urea: Berfungsi untuk mengeluarkan nitrogen yang berlebih dalam tubuh
Uric Acid: Berguna sebagai pencegah penyakit diabetes tetapi kebanyakan Uric Acid akan menyebakan penyakit encok, dll
Sulfur: Berguna untuk menghaluskan kulit.
Vitamin B12 dan Zinc: Sebagai penambah stamina

Nah itulah beberapa kandungan kimia yang terdapat dalam sperma. Penjelasan fungsi zat kimia di atas bukan berarti jika sperma di telan bisa berguna seperti hal-hal tersebut, melainkan fungsi zat kimia yang sering digunakan untuk kesehatan juga terdapat dalam sperma. Namun yang perlu dipertegas adalah jumlah atau kuantitas zat kandungan tersebut seberapa kecil terdapat dalam cairan sperma yang memang tidak terlalu banyak tersebut.

Lalu apa efek atau dampak nya jika menelan sperma?
Dengan melihat kedua hal tersebut diatas yaitu kesehatan dan kandungan zat, maka menelan sperma tidak ada efek samping dan jika tidak ditemukan masalah penyakit maka sperma bukanlah zat yang berbahaya.
Sperma juga hanya mengandung sedikit kalori dan zat gizi, sehingga menelan sperma tidak akan menyebabkan kegemukan. Sel sperma yang sudah keluar juga tidak bisa bertahan lama hidup, apalagi di lambung sepl sperma ini akan mati saat bercampur dengan asam lambung, sehingga sperma yang tertelan tidak akan menyebabkan kehamilan.
Namun jika ditemukan ada luka (luka makro atau sariawan di mulut dan gusi serta luka mikro), maka menelan atau tertelan sperma bisa beresiko tertular berbagai macam penyakit, seperti Gonore, Sipilis, Herpes hingga HIV/AIDS.
Berdasarkan uraian di atas, maka dapat disimpulkan sebagai berikut:
Seks oral tanpa kondom dapat menularkan penyakit jika pasangan terinfeksi.
Selama seks oral dilakukan, anda sesungguhnya telah melakukan kontak langsung dengan penyakit (jika ada). Jadi menelan air mani tidak akan membuat banyak perbedaan dalam hal ini, karena sama saja.
Sperma dari pria yang sehat atau menelan sperma sendiri sama sekali tidak berbahaya. Bahkan pada pria yang sehat, jumlah kuman dalam sperma mereka kemungkinan jauh lebih sedikit daripada jumlah bakteri dalam air liur pria gay yang mengoral.

Ya, pria gay yang menelan sperma akan mendapatkan asupan nutrisi dari sperma yang ditelan. Namun kadar dan jumlahnya sangat sedikit.
Menelan sperma tidak akan menyebabkan kehamilan.
Asalkan pria sehat dan tidak memiliki penyakit seksual maka menelan sperma aman dilakukan.

Menelan sperma bagi gay sangat beresiko dan sangat berbahaya, jika ditemukan ada luka (luka makro atau sariawan di mulut dan gusi serta luka mikro). Karena menelan atau tertelan sperma bisa beresiko tertular berbagai macam penyakit, seperti Gonore, Sipilis, Herpes hingga HIV/AIDS

KolonG "10 tips How to Make Your Ex Boyfriend Regret Breaking It Off with you"

After being broken up with, it may seem impossible to pull your life back together and get back in control of your emotions, but with the right tactics before you know it you will be back to that confident, independent, happy man that your ex first fell in love with. Here's some tips of it;

1. Think about what you've learned from the relationship, and start using that in a daily basis. It may not have worked out between you, but maybe you learned better listening skills, to be less possessive or how to set personal boundaries.

2. Don't repress your feelings. This doesn't mean contacting your ex or making it public how much pain you are in. Take time to yourself to journal, go for a walk or go for coffee with a close friend to talk about the relationship and how you are feeling.

3. Write down a list of seven great qualities you have, and post it somewhere you will read it every day. Remember that people break up and start dating for many different reasons. Often times the break-up is not a reflection of you personally, rather the other persons issues. Try not to blame yourself or think that you no longer have anything to offer the world.

4. Don't rebound. This may temporarily make you feel better, but even after months of the new relationship when it's all said and done you will still be left with unresolved feelings about your ex. Take time to heal, stand on your own two feet. There is nothing more attractive then a confident, independent person.

5. Resist the urge to contact your ex. Your brain will be looking for any way possible to get in contact with him, or see how they're doing. Resist at all costs! By contacting him, you are submitting to his emotional manipulation and showing him that you are still obsessing over the break-up.

6. Breathe. Allow your emotions to take their natural course and don't push away feelings of rejection or hurt. They are normal and once fully experienced you will have a renewed sense of strength.

7. Keep yourself busy. When you have memory flashbacks or miss your ex's company, do anything to take your mind off it. It could be anything from rearranging your shelves to trying a new recipe.

8. Stay away from alcohol or other emotion evoking substances. You may think a night out with friends will be the perfect remedy, until that night of fun turns into tears in the bathroom and drunk texting.

9. Be mature about the situation. Don't send him hate mail, or give him any reason to be upset with you. You want him to remember you as the one that got away, not the psycho man who never left him alone after he broke it off.

10. Smile. Showing that you can find something to be happy about will attract positive people and things into your life. Break-ups can be devastating, but they also make you a stronger person. Let the warmth of your personality shine through that wonderful smile, and one day he'll realize what he lost.

[Adopted from: http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Your-Ex-Boyfriend-Regret-Breaking-It-Off]

KolonG "How to know your ex-boy friend still miss you"

"How do I know my ex boyfriend still misses me or not?" Is a normal question in a gay world when a man searches answer for after a relationship ends once he wants to reunite with his ex boyfriend. When you still love your ex boyfriend, it's natural to desire to be aware of his feelings towards you. Gay men get themselves into an emotional place where they long for their ex boyfriend so much that they just want to reach out to him. To these men, sending a text message seems like a safe way to let their ex know they miss him. The problem is that if you’re sending that message when you’re feeling overwhelmed Since, if you are considering getting back together with your ex boyfriend, you don't wish to risk getting hurt once more as a result of admitting your love and then discovering that his feelings are different. Nobody desires to open themselves up and afterward get abandoned. 

Below are some of the simple strategies and tips that will make your ex-boyfriend think of you and miss you like crazy;

1. Disappears, Absence is usually known to make the heart of men grow fonder each day. When you make yourself unavailable by not answering his calls or calling him back, he will start missing you, by answering the phone on the first ring means that he won’t miss you since he’ll know that you’ll always be at his call and beck. It is also important to use this time to catch up with your other friends and have fun, you can also do the things that you had wished to do while you were together or take a trip and give yourself enough time. This will help since you will create unexpected attention from him and also you will have enough time to relax and rest.

2. Don't mope and show him that you're desperate to him back, Male usually expects his partner to wallow and mope in grief after they brake-up and therefore you shouldn’t give him the guarantee or satisfaction of being right but instead you should live your life. Meet new people, go out and have fun to the maximum. This trick is to make you act and pretend that you have not been affected by the breakup and also you will look indifferent from what he expected. When he realizes that you are more confident and happier, he will unknowingly miss you.

3. Don't be angry, Specialists have proven that men are usually turned off by weepy. You should avoid as much as possible not to give in to any negative emotions because you might end up being angry or even weep over him. Act and smile and you will create more impressions even if he tries to resist. Definitely, he will not tell you that he is missing you but you will learn from his actions. If he tries to call you again, know that you have got him and it is advisable not to run back immediately. Give him more time. 4. Improve your situation, When your ex-boyfriend sees that you are improving things in life and becoming more attractive, he will definitely feel as though he is missing you. Never sit at home when you breakup with him, you may also consider dating again but shouldn’t be nothing serious and go out with friends. By mastering the art of him needing you back like crazy you will be able to bring him back within the shortest period and also he will never want to be away from you. 

so... wanna know does he still miss you or not after broke up? try it!!-SuperSLIMO-

KolonG "How to Love Unconditionally"

In order to build a solid foundation in any relationship, whether it’s a loving partnership (marriage), friendship or a relationship with a sibling or child, you must learn to love unconditionally without limits or judgment.
Loving someone unconditionally can be hard to do and goes against the grain you were probably taught in today’s Western society. Society tells you to get even or get revenge. However, to love unconditionally requires forgiveness and letting go of the wrongs.

So How Do You Love Unconditionally?
What’s required to show someone unconditional love when you’re in a relationship? Being there physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, through thick and thin, no matter what may happen is unconditional love.
Physically: Being “there” for someone physically means just what the word implies. You’re there for them in person, standing by their side, listening to them, or talking with them so they’re not alone. This may be at three in the afternoon, or three in the morning!
Emotionally: When you’re with someone emotionally, you’re offering your support by allowing them to honestly and openly express their feelings. Supporting someone emotionally with unconditional love also means that you’re there selflessly to help them work through their feelings. The goal is for the person to rise above the negative emotions and turn them into positive ones. You’re the shoulder to cry on!
Mentally: Supporting a loved one mentally means that you help them think through their actions, motives, and desires. You help them do this by finding out what’s going on inside. To support someone mentally requires you to help your loved one process their thoughts through to all possible outcomes.
Spiritually: Spiritually supporting a loved one means you pray for and with them and help them grow in all aspects of their life – physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Often spiritual support is given without a person being aware of it, through prayer.
Unconditional love does not mean, however, giving into every whim or desire. Often people confuse unconditional love with spoiling. Giving into a person’s every want or desire when it isn’t appropriate can actually harm their physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well being. For example, giving into a child’s demands for junk food may make them happy today, but it isn’t a good source of nourishment in the long run.

Letting Go
True love is shown when you try to help another become a better person and unconditional love is shown when you still love them even if they refuse to change.
Many times it’s necessary to “let go” of a loved one, while still loving them unconditionally, because they refuse to take the necessary steps to improve. An example of this would be an alcoholic or drug addict. You still love the person, but when they refuse to work at overcoming their addiction or don’t care about themselves or who they’re hurting, you must let go. Sometimes this means, letting them spiral down until they hit rock bottom. Often you get hurt in the process because you love them and don’t want to see them go down this road, so loving unconditionally also means that you’ll be there for them when they’re ready to try again.
Love isn’t an emotion or feeling – it’s a choice. This is especially true with unconditional love. In relationships, you show unconditional love by overlooking petty mistakes and forgoing judgment and grudges. Unconditional love requires self-sacrifice and forgiveness on your part and it’s through unconditional love that those you care about will change for the better.

KolonG "What Are Love Languages?"

Everyone needs to feel loved. It’s vital to know how you enjoy being loved, but also how to properly love others. A doctor by the name of Gary Chapman became famous when he came out with a book called The Five Love Languages.

There is a basic breakdown of five different love languages to make it easier for us to identify how to express ourselves to our loved ones. Once you’ve figured out what your partner’s love language is you’ll be able to show them how you feel in a way that is fulfilling to them.
For example, let’s say that your partner likes to hear the words “I love you” often. Even though they know that you love them, just hearing the phrase can brighten their day. But perhaps you thought that you should express your love by buying little gifts. Your loved one likely appreciates the gesture whenever you show your love, but at the same time it’s not their personal preference of how they like to receive love.
The Love Languages Explained
1. Verbal Lovers - Like the example above, some people just like to hear gestures of love such as “I love you” and “I appreciate everything that you do.” For this type of person, you’ll want to provide constant encouragement, never letting things go unsaid.

• Try verbalizing your appreciations in some way each day.
• Don’t assume your partner knows what you’re thinking and feeling – speak up!

2. Time Well Spent - One of the love languages has to do with spending quality time with your partner. This doesn’t mean just casual conversation; it means the times where your partner is your main focus. If your partner enjoys quality time, here are some things to consider:

• Choose a certain time each day or week where you’re completely dedicated to your partner. This means that you need to shut off the TV, put down the paper, get off the computer and make time for each other.
• Think of activities you can do together to really connect.
• Make sure you have a good relationship with yourself; it’s the only way you can truly connect with your partner.

3. The Gift Giver – Another love language is one where your partner may enjoy giving and receiving gifts. This isn’t because they’re greedy; it means they’re visual people who enjoy seeing proof of your deepening relationship. If you’re with this type of partner, try these tips:

• Even if you’re a big saver, make the effort to spend at least a little money or make some homemade or handmade gifts
• Leave loving cards and notes for them.
• Don’t give gifts everyday, but give gifts that are meaningful.

4. The Chores –  We can’t forget the chores when it comes to a language of communication between partners. Since there are many things that need to get done around the house, it often causes problems when you try to figure out who’s doing what. Keep these tips in mind:

• Everyone has different chores that they deem important
• Figure out which ones your partner doesn’t enjoy and do them.
• Chores involve thinking ahead, which your partner will certainly appreciate.

5. Physical Affection – The physical affection love language can get complicated. Expressing your love physically doesn’t only mean lovemaking. It involves simple touches too. Each partner will usually have some kind of opinion when it comes to this language:

• Figure out which kinds of touches your partner enjoys, it may be a gentle rub of their shoulders or some cuddling while watching television.
• This is equally important, figure out which touches irritate your partner.
• Get to know your partner’s moods so you know when to express physical affection.

The Combination
Your partner will likely speak a certain combination of these love languages. As your relationship deepens, you’ll get to know your partner better and better. It may even help to outright discuss the topic of love languages with your partner to better understand each other.

KolonG "Top 10 Ways of Finding Closure in Your Relationship"

As the song says, “Breaking up is hard to do.” Finding closure after the end of a relationship is often harder.

 “Closure” is a psychological term that simply means closing the door on something or someone.
Closure means you leave the past in the past rather than dragging it out into the present again. In relationships, this means learning how to let go of that relationship and move on to another, possibly better, relationship.
There are many ways to find closure. In fact, how you find closure will depend entirely upon your personality and particular situation.

Here are the top ten ways to find closure after a relationship ends: 

1. Declare out loud to a close friend that you accept that the relationship is over. Choose someone who will support you and help you stay focused on the present and future rather than dwelling on the past.
2. Call the person you’re letting go and release them. Acknowledge that you still have feelings for them, the relationship isn’t healthy, and they’re free. If it’s too painful to talk with them, write them a note.  
3. Refocus on yourself. You may have let your own interests slide while you were involved with your prior relationship. Now’s the time to shift your focus back to yourself and what you want to do.
4. Find a new hobby or activity to replace the time with your ex. If you always went out on Friday nights, invite some friends over, instead, and watch movies. Or you could volunteer for a worthwhile charity.
5. When you start thinking about your ex, call a friend to bolster your resolve. Ask them to restate your reasons for letting them go.
6. Create a mantra or saying that helps you refocus. Keep telling yourself this mantra and before too long you’ll start believing it. You’ll also start acting differently as well. “I am strong and I am over him.” could be all you need to say, but it may be something more detailed like “I’m a wonderful person who is worthy of love, respect and happiness.”  
7. Remove things that remind you of your ex. At some point in the future you’ll be strong enough to look at these things with fondness rather than being tugged back to the past.

• Take them off your speed dial.
• Remove photos of the two of you.
• Box up gifts they gave you.

       8. Take care of yourself. Eat better, take up a new exercise, and get plenty of rest. Hydration is important, too, so be sure you drink plenty of water.
       9. If you’re feeling particularly sad over the break up, don’t hold it in. It’s natural for you to feel upset about the end of the relationship. Go ahead and cry. You may even want to write in a journal how you feel so you can get the feelings out rather than holding them in.
      10. Try to figure out what went wrong in the relationship. Reflect on this after you’ve distanced yourself from it for a while.

• If  there were things you did that could’ve damaged the relationship, admit them.
• Try to determine the red flags that signaled the relationship was ending.
• Decide to avoid similar mistakes in future relationships.

If you didn’t want the relationship to end, you may be tempted to leave the door open hoping to rekindle that lost love. It may be difficult to find closure, but the emotional price of holding out hope can be costly. For your own health and peace of mind, learn to let the relationship end. Let go of the past, close the door, and walk into a better future.

KolonG "Can gay relationships last?"

[thanks to; Otto Fong]

“Couples, gay or straight, are not statistics and are not subject to what the majority of their groups do in studies and analyses. They are people who deserve the support and encouragement to succeed in their relationships and to have the best possible chance at a long and healthy life together.” - Chris Shultz I wrote this in response to a Time.com article “Are Gay Relationships Different?” by John Cloud. He wrote the article after his first relationship of over seven years ended. This article prompted some discussion amongst my Facebook friends about gay relationships. A common opinion is that gay relationships are less permanent, and that straight relationships are often successfully anchored by children. In that article published by Time.com, Cloud mused that if he was in a straight relationship, he would “almost certainly have had children” and his relationship would still be intact. A Facebook friend commented that “death or heartbreak, all relationships come to an end eventually." So, he concluded that the “length of time as a yardstick for measuring the quality of a relationship would be a poor yardstick indeed.” I found it understandable why some gay folks will see it from that perspective. My personal experience was that when my relationships failed, it would be hard not to have that nagging feeling that what some said about gays is correct: we can’t conduct personal relationships well. I went through that after several of my relationships ended in my twenties. I told myself that men aren’t meant to stay together – only women held the keys to a lasting relationship. Now, I find that perspective deeply flawed and offensive. It is offensive to assume that many straight couples could only rely on their children to make their relationships work. It is offensive to childless straight couples. It is offensive to gay couples who never adopted and yet stayed together for decades. It is also terribly unfair that one would compare relationships that ended by heartbreak, to relationships that ended with the death of a partner. “What is the difference?” one might ask. Afterall, all relationships end one way or another! The difference is simple: in one relationship, the partners made a vow. In the others, no vow was made. This is not to denigrate shorter relationships. Even short relationships teach us valuable lessons – and sometimes these lessons better inform us to cherish the next one. But, in short-term relationships, there is no commitment. Let’s stay together if we’re happy and it works for both of us. Once it stops working for either of us, let’s split. There’s nothing wrong with that. In a committed relationship, a vow to love, respect and cherish each other is one that ends with “till death do us part”. It is a vow not to be taken lightly. It means that a partner vows to stay with another through thick and thin, riches and rags, in health and in sickness. My vow is to be with my partner when he contributes to our relationship. And my vow stands even when he is no longer able to contribute in certain ways (physical disability, aging complications). As long as he wants me around, and as long as I am capable of making decisions, I will be with him. It’s interesting to note that in the Time.com article, the author used his own relationship as an example of a gay relationship that did not work out. Other than citing statistics that supported his point of view, he mentioned no other gay relationships – not even the ones that worked. It’s like someone who’d just climbed a hill and wrote about climbing Everest – without consulting a single Everest mountaineer. Personally, I have several Singaporean gay couples who are together for over a decade or two, and are still going strong. And I know of a couple from America, Neal and John, who’d been together for 30 years. While it is true that many gay relationships do not work out, it is also true that gay relationships often lacked the community, familial and societal support that straight relationships take for granted. Also, Chris Shultz, a friend of mine, noted, “It seems that same-sex relationships haven't enjoyed the social support and approval for long enough to draw meaningful comparisons between same-sex and different-sex relationships and their relative success rates.” I am reminded of what is a committed relationship - and what makes it last - in, of all things, an animated cartoon. In the first 10 minutes of Pixar’s Oscar-winning animated feature Up, we were shown a compressed lifetime of a childless couple, Carl and Ellie. When they found out that Ellie couldn’t conceive, the couple was devastated. In every young gay man’s mind, we have visited that shocking, inescapable conclusion shortly after we dealt with being gay: since our future relationships lacked eggs for fertilisation, we would likely never have the chance to be fathers. While it might not have manifested itself as devastatingly as Ellie’s discovery at the doctor, it certainly was a blow to us nevertheless. In the film, as Ellie sat sadly on the front yard’s swing, Carl approached her and made her a promise: they would embark on a trip to their childhood dreamland, South America. Carl didn’t say: “Oops, sorry you couldn’t conceive. That means we can’t have children. Our relationship would never stand a chance without them! I’m afraid I’ll have to leave you.” Carl said: “Ok, so we can’t have the adventure of having children. Let’s find a new adventure together!” Some people argued that gay relationships should not work, because they do not satisfy the end goal of marriage: procreation. And some of us believed these people. While the world needs a steady supply of children, it is also in dire need of many other things. What’s to stop a gay couple from finding an adventure they can both work happily towards? An adventure could be as simple as building a home together, creating a company together or even something as noble as starting and running a charity or orphanage. Sure, some of us can achieve these singlehandedly. But one thing I learnt when I climbed the Grand Canyon in Colorado, US, alone and witnessed a breathtaking sunrise there two decades ago: I wanted that special someone to share that awesome sight with me. Always.