KolonG Have you ever wondered if you loved someone?

friend of mine just finished with his first serious relationship, and throughtout it he often asked me if he really did love his ex boyfriend. Because he had so little experience with other men, he wondered if this is what love really felt like, or if there was someone else out there who could make him happier. he's a mass of conflicting emotions. Sometimes he glad its over, and other times he realize just how much he miss having himr in his life.

Have you ever felt like that? Also, now that its over, Is that normal?

MY ANSWER;

Obviously HE speaking about a "romantic" relationship. I understand his conflicting emotions, believe me I do. After many years of serching of partner, my ex bf said to me: I am not really sure that I was ever "in love" with you, but more drawn to your amazing zeal for God and life." In truth, I think love encompasses so many things, but at the core... love evolves out of friendship, attraction, respect, and adoration. I also think that it becomes very easy (not saying he had done this) to assume he have "fallen out of love" with someone, when the storms of life pervade. This is why I fully believe the current trend, which is to plunge into a sexual relationship before those elements that I listed in the beginning (friendship, attraction, respect and adoration) are not developed at the core of the relationship, the relationship will probably fail. Once the routine of life sets in, often times people become less interested, misread the signs, and interpret life pressure as irritation at the other person, and of course then the sex is affected, the ability to endure hardships together is compromised, and then it is no wonder "why" the couple suddenly feels like they are no longer in love. In truth... they may have not been in love... because I really believe if two people have that core connection, which ONLY comes about from time well spent together (and that frankly is separate of the bedroom), then their bond becomes extremely hard to break. There is also the issue of intimacy. While that word seems to be thrown around a lot, I believe there is a difference from love and intimacy. Many couples experience a type of love, but to know intimacy... that is another story, and few really do. Once again, that is not about sex, but rather the core connection between two hearts that genuinely care.

Certainly it is normal to miss someone have had a relationship with... But there is no one that can really tell you whether you were truly in love with him or not. Unfortunately, only you will be able to answer that question. Indeed, love is a curious thing... and none of us can really live without it.