KolonG I HATE MY DAD..!!!

1996, End of March, kinda long time ago when my parent broke into, he treated my mum so badly, doesnt think before he speaks it can hurted us.... i called my best friend and told him to pick me up that time when it was big fight between them. i was a highschooler and so young and he brought me to the bar, i still remember it was my 1st vodka and cigarette i took, i can forget that nite for a while, forget my father who seemed like want kick me off from that hell place call home. i was like i dont want to be there anymore and was like good cause i dont want him herein my life either so leave....... now i never speak to him. thought he never ever called me untill now..... this isnt exaggerating either....it is very true

well in gay life this case may almost happen to us, sumtimes they thought a broken family stimulate people to be a gay man, not so right but yeah...it happen to me, when i was drunk i felt so comfort when my friend hold me that nite at his room.

i was thinking that time When my dad calls me stupid and blames everything on my mother, whats going through mind? saddness and tears..... He told me i cant hang out with my best friend no need family, What happened???? Hes a jerk. i told him fuck off cause dont live with him after. He started yelling and called me stupid and out of line . But it was true I cant ever talk
or look at him again, i was hate him.

Now Life has a funny way of testing me and trying to make me strong. When i get older (i'm 29) i will REALLY see my father and the reasons behind his behaviour. i start to understand that his actions are mostly because he does not have the skills to cope/deal with situations better. BUT that is not the point...as a parent he has a responsibility to RESPECT me as a person and ensure that i given the opportunity to learn (with success and failure) in a secure, loving environment. i will get over this, buti need to learn to 'put up a mirror' and reflect all his negative shit and comments back to him. I DON'T OWN THEM! Only me have the power to change my own mind...only take on board positives and dispose of the negatives! Peopel say bad things to others generally because thats what they are really thinking about themselves.

Now I Knew hover good or not, he still my fathere, i cant forgive him and i wanna see him again, wanna see his old man with white hair, so weak and wait his life end, i even can imagine how's my feeling if that time comes, must be painfull for me see my father will go on

for all people who hate your father, lets make some peace commitment to forgive him, and hope time already chaged our father to think that he was wrong that time, and we have a big heart to forgive and relove him again. ;)

ps. Dad....i'm sorry i was mad to you that time...and never want to see you for long time. thanks for your email, and i'll come home soon....dad, i promise you ;(