KolonG "lubricants increase HIV activity"

A study by the Population Council (Begay 2011) has found that every one of a panel of 41 commercially-available sexual lubricants for sale in the USA damaged human rectal and colonic cells in the test tube and compromised the integrity of the single-cell layer that forms the surface of the rectum.

Using male or female condoms is still considered the best way to prevent acquiring HIV and STIs during AI (anal intercourse). In addition, the use of condom-compatible lubes has been associated with a decreased risk of condoms breaking or slipping. -- Safety of lubricants for rectal use: A fact sheet for HIV educators and advocates (IRMA) PDF

In contrast Carraguard, a gel formerly tried as an experimental microbicide, did not damage cells.

Unexpectedly, the investigators found that four of the lubricants not only damaged the rectal lining cells but appeared actively to increase HIV replication in the cell cultures.

They found that this activity was caused by polyquaternium-15, a commonly-used cosmetic ingredient, which has the property of facilitating HIV’s attachment to cells.

The study, whose original findings were presented at the Microbicides 2010 Conference last year (Begay 2010), complements the results of two other studies presented at that conference. The first (Russo) tested six popular lubricants and found that four stripped cells off the rectal epithelium (surface membrane). The second (Gorbach) found that men and women who took part in a rectal microbicide study and who used lubricants for anal sex were three times more likely to be diagnosed with gonorrhoea, chlamydia or syphilis than people who used no lube.

For the current survey Othell Begay and colleagues from the Population Council tested a panel of 41 commonly-used lubricants. They tested their cytotoxic (cell-killing) activity in two different ways and, by culturing them with HIV-infected cells, tested whether they inhibited or enhanced viral replication. They used the ratio of their cytotoxic and antiviral properties to calculate a “therapeutic index” (TI) which predicted whether they might have any useful HIV-inhibiting potential in real-life situations.

The researchers compared results from the 41 commercially-available lubes with Carraguard, as detailed above, and also with medical saline solution and Gynol II, a spermicide cream already known to be cytotoxic, as it contains nonoxynol-9, a compound which has been known for ten years to damage cells and make users more vulnerable to HIV.

They found that cells treated with all the lubricants were damaged. A cell assay called TEER (transepithelial electrical resistance) gauges cell integrity by testing their resistance to electric current – whole cells transmit electricity less easily. The researchers found that the TEER value for cells exposed to the lubricants had dropped by 60% within two hours, as it did for cells exposed to Gynol II, whereas it remained steady for cells exposed to Carraguard and saline.

The researchers found only one lubricant with mild anti-HIV activity – the vaginal moisturiser Replens. However the therapeutic index for Replens was under 100 compared with a TI of over 3500 for Carraguard – and Carraguard failed when tested as an HIV-preventing microbicide.

Unexpectedly, the researchers found that one brand of lubricant – Astroglide – appeared actively to enhance HIV replication in cells.

Astroglide has previously been found to inhibit HIV in the test tube to some extent, not enhance it. This paradox can be explained by the fact that, like nonoxynol-9, some lubricant ingredients destroy viruses by dissolving their containing membrane – but do the same thing to cell membranes, and thus have a net harmful effect.

The four (out of six) Astroglide lubricants that appeared to increase viral replication were the only ones containing a compound called polyquaternium-15 which, when tested, was found to be the cause.

In the Russo paper presented last year it was theorised that the cytotoxic properties of lubricants might be due to their being hyperosmolar. This means they contain more sugars and salts than the body’s natural fluids. When hyperosmolar fluids come into contact with cells they cause cells to secrete water and dry up.

Most of the lubricants tests in this study were hyperosmolar. However four where hypo-osmolar, meaning they contained less sugar and salt than body fluids, and one was iso-osmolar, meaning it contained the same balance as body fluids, and none of these were any less toxic. Replens, the least toxic lubricant, was also the most acid, and it is known that vaginal acidity help to protect against HIV transmission.

What does this mean for users of lubricants? These are still preliminary results and much more research is needed before detailed recommendations can be made.

It is important to emphasise that the lubricants tested were all water-based. Water-based ‘lubes’ were initially recommended for use in safer sex because they do not weaken condoms whereas oil-based ones cause them to burst. Since it is the condom that is protecting users from HIV rather than the lube, condom users should still be encouraged to use water-based lubes because condoms are also more likely to break, and trauma to the rectal lining occur, with no lube.

However for people who for one reason or another do not use condoms, water-based lubes may not the safest ones to use. A good compromise are the silicone-based lubricants, which do not appear to damage cells and are also safe with condoms.

KolonG Australian passports to allow for 3 gender

News Around the World

16 Sep 2011

Australian passports to allow for 3 gender options: male, female and 'X'

Intersex people, who are biologically not entirely male or female, will be able to list their gender on passports as "X" while transgender people will be able to pick whether they are male or female without having to undergo surgery, if their choice is supported by a doctor's statement.

Australian passports will now have three gender options – male, female and indeterminate – under new guidelines to remove discrimination against transgender and intersex people, the government said Thursday.

Intersex people, who are biologically not entirely male or female, will be able to list their gender on passports as "X."

Transgender people, whose perception of their own sex is at odds with their biology, will be able to pick whether they are male or female if their choice is supported by a doctor's statement. Transgender people cannot pick "X."

Previously, gender was a choice of only male or female, and people were not allowed to change their gender on their passport without having had a sex-change operation. The U.S. dropped the surgery prerequisite for transgender people's passports last year.

COMMENT FROM PUBLISH:

andy370 andy370	1. 2011-09-17 12:43 Very interesting. However I wonder how X gender people may be treated when they turn up in some countries. For example Malaysia, Singapore, the Arab countries and others.
gumats gumats	2. 2011-09-17 15:50 very nice...
colin_20001 colin_20001	4. 2011-09-18 10:45 Politically correct, but it will be seen as a public statement in many countries and could lead to harassment at immigration and in hotels where you have to produce your passport.
zactooh zactooh	5. 2011-09-18 11:32 Good. Things are never just black or white. It's about time someone stepped up to the plate!
shitzutonka shitzutonka	6. 2011-09-18 18:59 Good positive move. Give people the choice to represent themselves as X if they wanted to. @4 - This is more than just political correctness, this is the government showing leadership and presenting a higher vision of where a civilized enlightened and accepting society could head towards. This has to make life a little bit easier for the X'es.
moonlightdragon moonlightdragon	7. 2011-09-18 20:20 Well done, it gives people the choice to be represented. OK, there are a few countries where your passport might cause problems, but then again, why bother visiting those backward countries.
Comment #8 was deleted by its author on 2011-09-19 16:29
wallyozgay wallyozgay	9. 2011-09-19 16:34 Old passport lol. Well done Australian Passports Office and Federal Government. Gay, Lesbian and Transexual are recognized sexual preference same for straight. Don't think they will put deaf or impaired hearing on passport. No need when I travel aboard. Not all immigration officers ask me questions...
Kumabro_oz Kumabro_oz	10. 2011-09-19 21:52 Nah, that's not the genders, this is Oz. The genders are (1) Bruce (2) Sheila (3) pooftah . And we all know what rule number 6 is. Nahw pooftahs. At least no married ones.
kazu1 kazu1	11. 2011-09-20 06:22 So the beer XXXX is what?
xingqiwu xingqiwu	12. 2011-09-20 14:36 um... it's a move in the right direction, but only biologically intersex people are allowed to list X as their gender. what about people who may have been born biologically male or female, but who don't ascribe to either gender?
Sleepingpill Sleepingpill	13. 2011-09-20 22:23 I prefer apple and dislike garlic. It shouldn't be an issue.
bondageboy33 bondageboy33	14. 2011-09-21 03:26 let's relocate to Aussie!!
jodieK jodieK	15. 2011-09-25 01:14 Is cool. I was wonder if others country's could have the new same rules. It's will be more cool then ever....
bryan82 bryan82	16. 2011-09-28 00:29 wow.....niceeeeee:)

KolonG how to find best friend and living as a gay man

living as a gay man and find some good friends is not hard, as we knew a gay is a girl's best friend, easy to get girls friends as long you always open up and be the one to share, girls love someone can hear them, to care, they will lost their afraid knowing you to be the best listener for her story. Not all men can understand and receive you as their gay friends, so keep carefully to open by asking their opinion about gay societies. but man also can be nice if they have friend who knowing girls much as you knew because you're gay...

WHAT A BEST FRIEND IS?

A Friend... is a tissue when you can't stop crying

A Friend... is a shoulder when you feel like dying

A Friend... always listens when you have something to say

A Friend... is a week when you need a day

A Friend... is a crutch when you have a broken heart

A Friend... is some glue when everything falls apart

A Friend... is a sun when the rain just won't stop

A Friend... is your'mom when you run into a cop

A Friend... is a phone call when you can't leave your home

A Friend... is a hand when you feel all alone

A Friend... is a wing if you want to fly

A Friend... understands without knowing why

A Friend... is an ear for a secret to tell
A Friend... is an aspirin when your head hurts likehell

A Friend... is a love that can never let go
A Friend... is you,and i wanted you to know!!

Arti sebuah sahabat..
Sahabat adalah hadiah dari Yang Di Atas buat kita. Seperti hadiah, ada yang bungkusnya bagus dan ada yang bungkusnya jelek. Yang bungkusnya bagus punya wajah rupawan, atau kepribadian yang menarik. Yang bungkusnya jelek punya wajah biasa saja, atau kepribadian yang biasa saja, atau malah menjengkelkan.
Seperti hadiah, ada yang isinya bagus dan ada yang isinya jelek. Yang isinya bagus punya jiwa yang begitu indah sehingga kita terpukau ketika berbagi rasa dengannya, ketika kita tahan menghabiskan waktu berjam-jam saling bercerita dan menghibur, menangis bersama, dan tertawa bersama. Kita mencintai dia dan dia mencintai kita. Sedang yang isinya buruk punya jiwa yang terluka. Begitu dalam luka-lukanya sehingga jiwanya tidak mampu lagi mencintai, karena ia tidak merasakan cinta dalam hidupnya. Sayangnya yang kita tangkap darinya sering kali justru sikap penolakan, dendam, kebencian, iri hati, kesombongan, amarah, dll. Kadang Kita tidak suka dengan jiwa-jiwa semacam ini dan mencoba menghindar dari mereka. Kita tahu bahwa itu semua BUKANlah karena semata-mata mereka pada dasarnya buruk, tetapi ketidakmampuan jiwanya memberikan cinta, karenanya justru ia membutuhkan cinta kita, membutuhkan simpati kita, kesabaran dan keberanian kita untuk mendengarkan luka-luka terdalam yang memasung jiwanya. Bagaimana bisa kita mengharapkan seseorang yang terluka lututnya berlari bersama kita? Bagaimana bisa kita mengajak seseorang yang takut air berenang bersama? Luka di lututnya dan ketakutan terhadap airlah yang mesti disembuhkan, bukan mencaci mereka karena mereka tidak mau berlari atau berenang bersama kita. Mereka tidak akan bilang bahwa "lutut" mereka luka atau mereka "takut air", mereka akan bilang bahwa mereka tidak suka berlari atau mereka akan bilang berenang itu membosankan, karena bagaimanapun mereka manusia yang punya harga diri dan membutuhkan pengakuan akan keberadaan dirinya.

Seorang sahabat sama seperti satu permata yg tak ternilai harganya. Seorang sahabat bisa membuat kita ceria, membuat kita terhibur. Mereka meminjamkan kupingnya kepada kita pada saat kita membutuhkannya. Seorang sahabat hadir pada saat kita sedang berduka, tidak dimengerti, merasa ditolak oleh lingkungan. Mereka bersedia membuka hati maupun perasaannya untuk berbagi suka dan duka dengan kita pada saat kita membutuhkan.

There's no wonderful present that you deserve to get in this entire world but "a best friend" and sometime you've already got even you never realize above..

-TRUE STORY, SLIMO-

KolonG living in a gay life, Are Gay People Normal?

Answer: Of course you are! Being gay does not define who you are or make you any less of a person. At times it is not easy being gay, especially around those that are not supportive. Nonetheless, try to surround yourself by people who do support you and your lifestyle. You will soon see that gay and bisexual men interact with each other and the world as any other person would.

How Do I Know If I'm Gay?

Answer: Unfortunately, there is no easy way to determine if you are gay. There are no scientific tests or sterotypes that determine your sexuality. You will find out through experience and feelings. Most define being gay as having a strong bond or sexual attraction to another man. Others define it as a lifestyle which includes behaviors and social interactions. You should ask yourself several questions about your sexuality and sexual preferences. Do you prefer sex with a man? Are you physically attracted to men? Do you feel an emotional bond with a man? Would you consider an intimate relationship with a man?
Am I the Only Person That Has Gay Feelings?

Answer: You're not alone! There are many gay and bisexual men who are in the process of coming out. The Internet is a great resource to find someone you can talk to or share experiences with. Search for chat rooms specific to coming out or post an ad looking for friends. You'll be amazed how many people are looking for someone to relate to just like you are. Also visit any web connected. You'll see that others may have had the same questions you have.

HOW TO BE A GOOD GAY?

Step 1 :
Know your rights in you city, state and country. You can't argue about rights you should have if you don't know which ones you have already.
Step 2 :
Know which political candidates support gays, and to what extent. Just because they're democrats doesn't mean they support gay marraige or gays in the military.
Step 3 :
Be clean and well dressed. This is more to the lesbians out there who think that because they are a lesbian they should wear men's clothes. Please stop.
Step 4 :
Don't be over the top all of the time. Gay men have a reputation for being crazy and loud even though most are not. Behave in public so you don't enforce this stereotype.
Step 5 :
Educate yourself. Most gay people I know are well mannered, well cultured, well spoken and well educated. These people give a good impression to the strait people in their lives who would otherwise only know stereotypes.

Step 6 : attitude in gay clubs or zone, don't make your self look cheap..

KolonG "bamBu Maniz"

mungkin ini suara hati, atau ungkapan untuk jiwa yang ingin tercari, kepada BuMa,,

Cerita-cerita tertutup kabut, pergulatan batin tak tuntas, keinginan-keinginan tak tertebus.
Laki-laki beristri dengan satu anak cantik terjebak biduk rumah tangga, anak muda usia 20-an menangis karena takut diketahui orangtua, pemuda ganteng pasang harga atas tubuhnya demi perut terganjal makanan, laki-laki mapan blingsatan setiap kali berhadapan dengan pertanyaan,”Kapan kawin?”, cowok bertubuh atletis bekerja keras mengolah tubuhnya di gym agar orang lain tak tahu kalau sesungguhnya dia gay.
Cerita-cerita itu menjadi daftar panjang tak berkesudahan, hadir terus-menerus bagai lingkaran tak terputus.

Hak atas tubuh, hak merasakan bahagia, dan hak menyampaikan pemikiran selalu terbentur tembok-tembok kenyataan. Kenyataan yang tak berpihak pada gay. Sekali lagi, persoalan tidak terletak pada gay, tapi pada ular-ular itu. Ular-ular itu butuh pencerahan agar tak seenaknya menunjuk sana-sini sok paling benar sendiri. Homophobia harus dihapuskan. Jangan pula menuntut gay untuk menghancurkan tembok-tembok kenyataan bila tak ada jaminan keamanan. Pemakluman iya, sebab media seperti ini setidaknya membuat gay sejenak bernafas lega.

Itu tamparan keras yang mengoyak harga diri gay dan melukai hak asasi manusia. Kebrutalan ular-ular melampaui batas yang diterima nalar. Betapa siksaan dipandang sebagai sesuatu yang layak diterima gay. Cih! Dan ular-ular itu dengan naïfnya terus mereproduksi alat-alat pembenar untuk mencederai nilai kemanusiaan.

aku ingin berdiri tidak sendiri di dunia itu, aku ingin seseorang menunjukkan bahwa yang mereka anggap salah kurasa benar karena dukungan dari seseorang, semoga hidup memiliki makna,,, semoga semua kisah dalam kitab alam sudah ku ungkap kepada hati mu yg teringini, beri senyum untuk huruf keindahan yg tercipta untukmu,,,

[SLiMO]

KolonG "letter from Darknblack"

Dear SLiMO,

I saw A lovely straight couple passing me by, and from them I see love, passion, commitment, sacrifice, understanding, companionship, responsibility, acceptance, children, family and future.
The guy is average looking, the girl is pretty, but I can see the world in them. do you thing they're happy?

A sweet gay couple passing me by, they both are gorgeous, but yet all I can see only love and lust, and fragile.
Why are we so shallow? Is it because the circumstance? Or it's our nature? We fuck like an animal, and we choose our mate like an animal do, by physical appearance.
For us, the first impression always come from physical appearance right? And when our physical attraction become love, can we deny that the basic of our attraction is physical? We may have the love, we may have the lust, we may have some degree of commitment, but where it leads to?
Straight relationship grows endlessly, and our gay relationship doesn't , thats our problem.
We date a guy, we fall in love with each other, we are in a relationship, then what? What's next? We just stuck in that, and wait until it ends? I'm tired, Slimo... need your hug ;(

- Dark n Black -

Dear Dark n Black,
What you see ia only what you can look, you never know what happen inside them right? or it may something among their heart.
Sometime A straight couple start from a date, that leads to relationship, and then they will plan to marriage, advancing to build a family, with children, share the responsibility, sacrifice their dream, accept the partner's flaw for the sake of the family they build, for the sake of the children they have, for the sake of the love they share. There is not much selfishness left in them.

We, gays, start from a date, that leads to relationship, but mostly the process end short here. May we take love too much for granted? There is nothing to lose when we have to start over again? Or may we are all too selfish?
Sumtime gay's commitment in relationship like "Hey, I promise you I won't fuck others and cheat on you." Is it because sex it too easy for us?
When we asked a straight couple what is commitment, they will answer that commitment is an effort you have to make, with all your strength, to make the relationship works, and thats include acceptance, understanding and sacrifice.
So, basically, gays' commitment is promise, while straights' commitment is effort. Now we can learn bit bout commitment hover there's no mistake between our commitment and them.

We Do realize that when people describe a family members, they will think of husband, wife and children? It's so natural for a husband to tell his wife "We are a family". But in our life It's like "I love you, but you will never be part of my family". But why you have to ask too much for this rule? so stop compair our life with them as long as there's love between you and your partner, it's the most important thing in any all way of relationship, gay or straight.

Coz compare to straights, our relationships are strong in love, lust, passion and companionship that is great for short term, but weak in commitment, sacrifice, understanding, responsibility and acceptance thats needed in long term relationship. But there's no something wrong for those, maybe that's the reality of our life and why we have to ask more, further you may marry your partner but why should you ask to his family declaration? becoz it will be one in million family could understand, maybe here we are called "gay".

My advice; "being gay loyal with one man is so much better than be a straight sex with every woman"

-SLiMO-

KolonG [Is That Bad Being A Single Gay?]

NO…, absolutely Not Bad, why? in world of PLU (people like us) most of 70% men wanna be single or pretend to, extremely they want have relations but with single status. Being single isn’t that bad, at least there no one can hurt you and you’ll know the meaning of friendship is.

Some pals of mine wrote me email bout why they have been single for along time, they said “am I not good enough? Am I not sexy? Am I too selfish, am I too selective? why people don’t like me?” no… never judge yourself like that. Sometime to be Single gay is so much fun when knowing how to be a happy, you may decide all aspect of your life with your own way, no arguing with some one about what food you want have for dinner, no one comment to your hairstyle, you probably spend money not too much, free to call your pals for hang out, travelling and meet lot new pal for your society, no one call you just to ask where you are, what you do, and you may do whatever you wanna do with no regret. So it is particularly moment in your life time to feel freedom, eventually you can share and give your love for everyone..
Feeling lonely is the most enemy of your single status, but never hesitates to call your close pal and pay them for dinner just to buy your time to talk, or spoil yourself at spa center or public swimming pool to taste the best orange juice in life. Many bright ideas how to kill your loneliness but the most, never thought that you’re a single, any how you’re not the only one single gay in this planet. Remember… being a single is not that bad hover being in relationship is also not that good.

Here some tips to erase your loneliness when it come figure you out that you’re single, and may it can help you to attract some guys jumping to your next love life ;
1. Update your style, single means anything just on your arms. so go to the mall or boutique just for trying some new mode and shirt to make over your look. When it comes really fit for your performance, just take it and be proud to show.
2. Mobile yourself, you never know there are many single men like you out of your society. Jump to visit your pals very often, spend your spare time through cafes or bars near by, attend in rock music concert, charge your rave party, or just see futsal game while you enjoying lots straight guys there.
3. Chatting, isn’t that bad even just for fun, we know a few good men there in channel but we never know may your prince of charming waiting you out there. keep on chat and browsing gay dating web or up dating your facebook daily.
4. Buy some t-shirt with word “I’m single” Play naughty way just to express yourself, being bitchy is not that bad sometime, Enjoy your weekend by shopping or just fooling around in some Club, you may do 5-S there (seat, see, sign, sex,….see you) hahahaha..

-superSLIMO-

KoloG "Jealousy"

Jealousy is not the same thing as Love, Sometimes you're jealous with your boyfriend because of lots thing, but people think by feeling jealous about someone, means that you loving him much, meanwhile over jealous can make him lost his mind and could do the bad thing for you. Jealousy is the fear and anger of losing love. Jealousy disappears when you are truly explain to him whatever tell the truth and tell what you want. having experience this recently, I felt jealous when I call him and he's in the middle of dinner with his close friend at restaurant near beach, or when he just busy with his study and built some intuations maybe him with other boy, but I cant blame him, or maybe it just my expression of loving him too much. here's some articles how to handle Jealousy ;)

Many people feel jealous from time to time. and it may happen to you too. Jealousy is easy to deal with, once you understand what it's teaching you. and the other is the way how to explain to him why he sould jealous if theres no big deal inside. Here are some pointers on working through your emotions and feelings of jealousy.

1.Understand the emotions. Jealousy is a combination of fear and anger: fear of losing something and anger that someone is "moving in on" something that you feel belongs only to you. so take the best way how to control your upset before you get the explanation.

2.Allow yourself to actually 'feel' emotions in a healthy way. When you start feeling jealous, ask yourself: Is it more fear-based or more anger-based? Recognize which part of your body is being affected. If you feel a dropping or clutching sensation in your stomach, it’s probably fear. If you feel a burning, tight sensation in your shoulders and jaw, then you’re likely feeling anger. You might also feel a combination of those sensations.

3.Communicate your feelings. Sharing your true feelings with him without blaming him, it can create a deep sense of connection between the two of you and open up a dialogue about the path of your relationship. Use "huney...want tell me sumthing?" "I" instead of "you." Instead of saying, "You shouldn't have done that," say, "I felt terrible when that happened."

4.Identify what your jealousy is teaching you. Jealousy can alert you to what you want and what is important to you. If you’re jealous to him talking bout he with another friend go out, think that ur personal relationships may be important to you that this case. If you’re jealous about money, you may have an underlying need for security or freedom. Ask yourself, "Why am I jealous over this? What is making me jealous? What am I trying to keep? Why do I feel threatened?" When you begin to understand what makes you jealous, you can begin to take positive steps to maintain those things, without the cloud of negative emotion that accompanies jealousy.

5.Change any false beliefs that might cause jealousy. There are often false beliefs that underlie jealousy and fuel emotion. If you examine the belief, you can often eliminate the jealousy.Choose to tell yourself a belief that is nurturing and supportive, and you’ll feel better. When you begin taking steps to creating a happy and fulfilling life for yourself, you will find the anger, the jealousy, and the fear will disappear.

6.Don't see things and make conclusion or listen to people who make you jealous, before you find out the fact and reality

7.If you cant handle it ask him whatever you wanna ask. make the good time to meet and asking anything with the politely and good way, do not show your jealousy just make him see you need his more attention, remember...bad speak just make him thought you dont trust him, so do it softly or do after you have a great sex with him. do not ask him in phone, meet directly

KolonG Your boy friend now is a diamond

A good friend just called me this morning, and for the umpteenth time he broke up within his BF again, he told me that he was really tired in the searching for the good heart.

I bit him share; In love we can indeed occur in a matter of seconds, lot of people out there are more than our spouses, but the wise man said we have to learn to say thanks for what we have been gotten, because humans will never feel satisfied and always compare with others. Grateful to your partner even though he was not too handsome as what you've dream of, though he's not too sexy like your boyfriend's pal, not too rich as your partner before, or not even as perfect as you'd expect, but make sure at least now he's just the only one who love you with sincere.

Never take someone else for granted, hold someone close to your heart now, cause you may wake up one day and realize That you've lost a diamond while you were the resource persons too busy collecting stones .. :)

SLIMO

KolonG "tired to love, am I wrong?"

Dear Slimo,

I could go through a bucket load of depression being with someone, question everything about the relationship and still be hard pushed to leave, and if I left chances are I would end up coming back anyway.
I'm wasting too much emotional energy on all of this past, am I wrong if I'm tired to love someone now?
[Fernando]

Dear Fernando,
It's not wrong if you have to take a pause to not love someone for a while, It happen to me this recently, I've had very good love but end up with mistreatment,
It's not worth being upset over the past, don't let the failed relationships ruin you. There is grieving time, of course, but after that point - how does it help you get to where you want to be in life to continually mull it over and try to figure out where it went wrong? The relationship has ended. You are better off not getting back with any of your ex, unless they have changed - if they haven't, the relationship would go the exact same way, eventually. I find it helpful to consider my emotions as logically as possible - how does this emotion help me? Does it put me on the path to where I want to be in life? Sometimes it's just impossible, but when you find yourself upset over something weeks and months later, it's easier.

Remember, I don't at all mean to sound disparaging on this, I get what you're saying entirely, and I feel like I can relate because it sounds like me when I was around your age. What happened with me, and what happened with most people I know, my advise; be stronger as a person, show to the world that you'll away look fine, and be potentially more desirable, if that's what you're going for.
Look ahead, not backward. You'll harden, you'll develop new "wants" and probably have a better perspective on how to achieve them, you'll be better for the experience even if the end result is not what's ideal for you at this very moment.

Best of luck, Fernando!! ;)

KolonG How to Be Strong After a Breakup

thanks for VC, Dusk And Sondra C for this advise, and here I wanna share their mind through my blog ;)

Dear Slimo,
When everything is wrong and you just want to cry all night, that's when you know you need to get over your ex. Everyone experiences heartbreaks, but being strong about it is another thing. Don't let your ex see you weak.

1. Never ever run back to Him or call Him all the time.
You can just never let go of that special guy that taught you how to love. When you guys break up, then it happens for a reason. Don't keep calling him and talking to them like nothing happened or try to make them love you again. It's not going to work out. It'll just make you seem weak and clingy.

2. Forgive and forget.
Let things go and remind cool. Don't let your ex see you miserable without him, it'll just give him the satisfaction and an ego boost.

3. It's okay to cry at night.
For the first few weeks, it's going to be a long and lonely journey. So it's OK to cry. Cry your heart out for the matter of fact. You are going to stop crying in the end because you'll get sick of it and realize that it's a temporary phase. Listen to sad love songs. It'll make you feel better and you'll realize that you can relate to him even more after a breakup. Get it all out and then deal with it.

4. Remain Positive.
Just because he broke up with you or doesn't want you back doesn't mean that you're "worthless". There are plenty of other people who want you and would be willing to treat you even better than your ex. keep smile and laugh. surround yourslf with friends and people who care. Not only will you feel better, your ex will notice how happy you are and maybe regret rejecting you.

5. Lift your head up high and move on. Don't let one relationship drag you down even though it was the best one you ever had. There will be plenty more and it's his loss. You are too good for them anyway. Tell yourself that. Tell yourself that you need someone who will treat you right. Just be strong and forget about your boyfriend.

6. Don't try to fling or have special relationships with your ex. It never ends up right when you just go back into that cycle. Yes, "that" cycle. Where you guys break up then make up then act all cute and happy but in the end, you'll just be heartbroken and cry. Yes ... that cycle. Relationships end for many reasons, so just forget about trying to "work things out", it'll never ever work out.
7. Consult a friend if you feel lame or played. When your ex plays around with your heart when he knows that you still want him, that's when you definitely know that he is not for you. It's OK to feel this way, completely normal. Don't hold your feelings in, just share to friend. Let them comfort you and let yourself vent your feelings. You'll definitely feel better.

8. Shop, Exercise and socialize. It'll make you feel better to buy new outfits so you can look more attractive, more great looking, and show to the world your inner. Not only will it boost your confidence, it will also boost your self-esteem. Looking good will make you feel good. Exercise is also a good way to vent your frustration and pain. Socializing with others would keep you distracted from your ex, bolster your self-esteem, and help you get over your ex. Go clubbing and have party much if you feel it be your good way. When you are occupied with other people, you'll think, "Hey! Being single isn't bad. I get to make new friends and have more time to myself". feel Flirt and mingle!!! ;))

KolonG SINGLE AND HAPPY ;))

Living alone doesn't have to mean being lonely; not if you like the person you live with. Some people actually choose to live alone; they prefer it to any other situation. Then there are those who live alone by necessity; they have no other choice.

“Unfortunately, society puts so much pressure on singles, to be in relationships that people forget that they have to be happy with themselves in order to be happy with someone else. That applies to friendships as well as intimate relationships.”

It is understandable that you may feel lonely and disconnected when you are on your own, but you must really master the art of being alone and happy before you will be able to be in a happy relationship. The best way you can jump start this realization would be to find a life purpose/passion. Many singles are waiting for a relationship to infuse their life with passion and purpose, not realizing that having a loving partner is not a substitute for a meaningful life. You must find a purpose for waking up in the morning, have a vision of your place in the world and what contribution you want to leave. Be powered by your passion, by taking action.
Being single is a choice. well, happiness is a state of mind. If you're not happy with yourself, in relationship or single, won't make a difference. There are however several things about being single and happy at the same time, that are advantageous. Being single and happy means that you can have a fella over to dinner, have fun to close with anyone else at the end of the evening, free to love all your pals.

best pal said "I am happy being single again. The one thing that I hated dealing with when it was over between my boyfriend and I was the loneliness. I didn't like the drama and I love going out to clubs and parties. I have lot friends to go out with and party with. I love going to places that I never been before. "

Being Single and happy depend on your life, You must be as enthusiastic in discovering yourself as you were in discovering other people. The more you like YOU, the happier you will be living even alone. The cliche "If it not broke don't fix it," Make yourself into someone interesting, someone you'll enjoy living with. If you're unhappy living alone, you've no one to blame but yourself. ;))

KolonG "Learn from the lost love"

I was thinking how to bring myself to a commitment, I just broke up with my boy but I thank for him for make me more strong in life,

1. I Learned from the past to advised that we can Rewarding Relationship What we are in Current live,

Life is full of ups and downs. The only reason, why when we are experiencing our feelings tide of life so extraordinary is because of the low tide situation that we experienced such a devastating our hearts.
Maybe we will not recognize what it feels like to have the overwhelming feeling we never had a bad one. The same principle applies in a relationship. They are never wrong in finding Mr. / Miss Right will be a better person. The next moment, when we try to go through difficult relationships we experience because the relationship is not going well, remember what an incredible feeling later on when we finally found someone who really fit with us.

2. I Know How Diverse Facing Problems Of A Relationship,

Maybe we see failure as a disgrace to dark relationship in career relationship, think again. Every relationship will give us more experience to deal with various problems that we can not avoid. But we are more familiar with a variety situations, the more we feel equipped to face any problems in the future relationship.

3. A Mistake To Evade Moving Forward,

Although the emotions we feel dry and crumble, but the end of love will give us many valuable insight into what should be avoided as we fall in love again. We can stop the bad habit, is able to overcome some problems in communication and check out other things that might go wrong and make our relationship never ragged. The more we realize the mistakes of past and may never make us get to the lowest level ones, the less for us to repeat it.

Now I'm not carried away by desire about what we do not get, hopefully the higher one's level of maturity for me to appreciate my next partners, the spirit well, thanks for my ex-BF ;))

KolonG "Love and Cake"

Have you ever confronted by two choices? have you ever hard to choose one in two? or you choose both, or even pick one but by secret you also choose the other without being noticed?

Life is always with a lot of choices, like a man who was never enough to find the best, my story today might be the lesson that the feeling is not always betrayed, that man still has a heart in determining the people who loved, but with the story today, the more I know that only people with big hearts who are able to choose the best in his life, as well as in love ..

Love and the cake turned out to connect, often times we see people are always confused in determining persons to be elected, the person he loves, because he faced not only an option, but two, three, or more, but after all love is always associated with two feelings, to the people who love and be loved, no matter what we should do is the one who prefers the best and are committed to that feeling. like when we go to a patisserie, a lot of cakes choices and are very seductive in front of us, but somehow we have to choose the best one, because when we choose two, and store the other cake just to make it look that we choose only one, time will lead and could show that the only ex-cake garbage through the stench, until eventually the reality will open that we were not the only cake ever he chooses, that there was another cake behind him that he also keep and enjoy, and the fact it will be very painful , because we assume that he is the best man who have chosen us as the only cake of his best,

man will never enough before he learn to say "enough" to what he ever got, though it was his best,

And so in love, like choosing a cake, choose the best one, make sure that it is the best option, most delicious and especially from other pastries, cause You can not "eat" the cake and "keep" it too , love is about choice, eat it or keep it ";)

to all of friends who are confused to choose now, be fair, choose the best one, be an adult to be honest, and enjoy the beauty of commitment by your choice, because when you cheat and save the others, time will open the reality, and you will lose both the best, and remember that feeling of injured people can change the world and show you that you will regret throwing the best one, congratulations for your vote! ;))

By-SLIMO-;))

KolonG "He's gay or straight?"

This is particularly big problem for the gay when you dont't know you loves a gay boy or the straight one, cause when you knew that he's straight, it seemed like you living in a dream world, feel love flying and blooming inside your heart but it hard to wake up to the real life. In gay life we lot of trapped love to a straight dudes. Feel like a fool when you do care of him, loving him that much, expecting his attention, text you at your mobile just wondering he write romance quote and its so hurt to figure it out that you’re not the one he want, badly he has a woman beside. Than you blame your self why you knew him, met him and created that feel. You can’t blame him in here, but look at you, you might take the wrong step arrange your feeling when you decided to love him. Don’t worry, sometime love just crush easier when we realize that we meet some one who really match, when you feeling lonely and he’s the only one who give you a care. Than without confirmation of both hearts you’re in love with him.
It was long time ago when I just broke up with my bf and knowing that I met some Mr. Nice man, he seemed gentle and did care of me. He even knew my favorite foods, companied me to go to the bar and club, so nice treat me like a special person for his life. But one day when I said that I love him he said he’s straight and just want have good friendship with me

Knowing this case I will share my experience how to figure it out about him. See the test to recognize him; is he a gay boy or a straight one?

1.Gay boys love to be perfect and love trend, Gay and metro sexual almost same indeed, they love fashion, hang out, shopping, go to the body treatment and love come to the societies. But most of gay men sometimes to much in trend, try to look at his style, his accessories, and look his performance. Gay man pouring more perfume to his body, take care of his skin brightly than a straight man, need more time to decide what color of his clothes to day and how many hours his preparation just want to go to the event. A straight men need plenty of time to care of it. So its your time to focus is he gay or not by look of his performance

2.Gay boys love gym and doing sport, meanwhile a straight one, but the value of gym time are totally deferent, straight man gym just for their health care, can be once or twice a week, but gay men must be very often, they want look more sexy, six-pack cause it really needed in their social life. Otherwise they may spend everyday in gym or sauna, cause they also searching to the new boys in there.

3.Gay prefer chat about boys than girls, jump him to the private chat, asking bout what he like and what type of girls he love. Even gay men love to pretend and cover his stories bout the girl, they may not specific. A straight men will telling you any secret stories with his girls, you may ask some advice and he will give you full of night bed stories or how he loves his girl much. But if he said he lazy to talk bout his girl and want to know more of your life, it’s a sign he interest with you. Or pretend answer the phone of your lover and wait his response, gay men will silence and hide his knowing. Otherwise make some idea bout he’s think of gay life, create fool story of your pal gay life and see his response, and if he pay attention with your case, you know how to take the next step ;)

4.Gay has lot girls pal than boys, knowing some word that “gay is a girls best pal” is really obvious that he’s gay, gay can understand girl, can be share with company her to the mall and give advice of her look, and women will feel comfort stay close with, cause they know gay don’t love girl ;) so make sure with your survey bout his best friends, search to his blog, his facebook or his real societies, more girls or boys?

5.Eyes testing bring him to the crowded restaurant, look at his eyes move, more response when there’s a group of girls or boys? Another test by asking his opinion of the group boys in the corner, so you can figure it out who is he, gay or not?

6.Single bed sleep, ask him travelling in a same room, or ask him to come to your room after office hours, a straight men will come and sleep with his back in front of your eyes directly when he is tired or need some rest, but gay men playing with his eyes to knowing what you do and what you want to do, pretend to be close eyes and sleep and wait his act

7.Ask confirmation, its the final step knowing if he's gay or not by asking him directly if he's gay or straight.

Well..make some analyst first before you fall in love with some boy, make sure he’s a gay or straight, cause the bad one when we’re totally in love with some boy and then knowing that he’s a straight one, oh…that’s so hurt, baby!! ;(

KolonG "How not to fall in love with your best friend?"

Most of time we always spend so much time with our best friend together, having lunch, gym, traveling and stay in one room, clubbing and so, you can talk about anything, and you know each others secrets. most of days You buy each other things, just because you know you'll like that. You're always there for each other, and are in fact each others default dates to functions when you couldn't get anyone else. Sooner or later, at least one of you would fall in love with the other.

When you knew it, its extremely difficult, especially when you really have so much fun together and admit it he's attractive. But it is possible to not ever be romantically involved with your best friend. It is usually advisable to keep things that way, too. Here are a few tips to help prevent you from crossing the line;

1. Keep in mind that your best friend will always be your best friend. The mind over matter rule might still work for you, Forbid yourself from entertaining thoughts of your best friend being the man you've been waiting for, because you will eventually convince yourself that he is even if he probably is not. Whenever your mind wanders dangerously close to that line, give yourself a good, firm shake. set your mind that all of his care is about giving care to his best friend too.

2. Decide not to be attracted. In fact, try to feel embarrassed about even considering it. Of course you became friends because you saw a lot of great qualities in each other that made you click, that's why its inevitable to feel attracted to each other. But to avoid falling for his great qualities, humorously think of his worst traits especially the really weird and gross ones.

3. Avoid situations where you are left alone with each other, as this allows a breeding place for passion. It will happen when you need more time to share your problem, both of you guys prefer go sumwhere silence, bring cans of beer and drunk and talk between heart to heart, it will attract to hug each other, this psychical touch may built some strange feeling, and you will flying to his arm of warm, it's very dangerous...

4. Know all the negative consequences falling in love would have on your precious friendship. Crossing the line could only bring disappointment for both of you and change your friendship forever. Whenever you feel yourself falling, ask yourself these questions: Would he be a suitable match for me? Is there a future for us? Am I attracted to my best friend sexually? What are my real reasons? Am I afraid to be alone? Am I willing to risk losing the friendship? Know that when you risk falling for a friend, you risk not just getting your heart broken but also ruining one of your most cherished friendships when things don't work out.

5. Choose to love him as your best friend. Or as a brother, if you must. Know that you would be willing to do anything for him, care for him, and love him like a true brother, even if hes not family. And be comforted that he would do the same for you. But decide not to throw romantic and sexual thoughts into the equation. Its a decision, not merely an emotion. Appreciate that rare solid friendship you have formed with him and keep yourself from losing it just because of selfish, uncontrolled feelings.

be a good friend, bro!! and friendship more eternal than love ;))

[thanks for Anna Lorraine Miranda for her " How Not To Fall In Love With Your Best Friend"]

KolonG DARI SLIMO CINTA UNTUK SEMUA

Semua orang pasti pernah merasakan cinta.. Baik cinta dari orang tua, sahabat.. kekasih dan akhirnya pasangan hidupnya

Buat temanku yg sedang jatuh cinta.. :) nikmatilah.. karena cinta itu sangat indah, saat bisa menggabungkan kata AKU dan KAMU menjadi KITA, saat suka dan duka bisa berbagi dan saling menjaga, Semoga kalian selalu berbahagia..

Buat temanku yg sedang terluka karena cinta, Hidup itu bagaikan roda yang terus berputar, satu saat akan berada di bawah dan hidup terasa begitu sulit, tetapi keadaan itu tidak untuk selamanya, bersabarlah dan berdoalah karena cinta yang lain akan datang dan menghampirimu, karena cerita2 indah lainnya sudah menunggu untuk menemuimu, nantikan kejutan cinta lainnya yg lebih menggairahkan hidupmu..

Buat temanku yang tidak percaya akan cinta, Buka hatimu dan jangan menutup mata akan keindahan yang ada di dunia, kadang berdua lebih mengasyikkan daripada sendiri, berbagi lebih membahagiakan daripada memendam berat hidup sendiri, dan percayalah bahwa cinta yg didasari pengertian, menghargai dan saling mengisi kekurangan masing2 dapat membuat hidupmu menjadi lebih bahagia..

Buat temanku yang mendambakan cinta.. :) bersabarlah.. karena cinta yang indah tidak terjadi dalam sekejap, Tuhan sedang mempersiapkan segala yang terbaik bagimu, yakinlah ada malaikat di luar sana sedang membuka peta cintanya dan mencari keberadaanmu sekarang, bersiaplah untuk bertemu dengan pasanganmu itu, pasti, segera semangat!!! ;)

With Love.. -SUPER SLIMO- mengucapkan "Happy Valentine Day" for all of you guys.. :)

KolonG "How to Get Your Ex BF apology"

Are you wondering how to get your ex-bf forgive you after you dumbed him?

sumtime we made some mistake when we found sumone new and work with him by dumbed our boy. By time passed by we just realize that having A heart's war with our ex-bf is not a good way to find our peace life. Well, we knew it is certainly possible to get your forgiveness but at least we have to say SORRY and ask any possible to be his friend again and erase all bad memories between. However, there are certain things that you should take note.

First, why are you seeking forgiveness? What have you done? did he hurt him much that time, did you said the worse words to make him impossible to forgive? You have to understand that the bigger the mistake, the longer the whole process take. You have to be prepared that it is going to take you a very long time to gain your ex's forgiveness.

If you think about it, it is common sense. Imagine someone being dumbed by his lover because there's someone new among them, I believe his love will angry and hate him, If you apologize on the spot that time, what do you think will happen? Do you think if he forgive you, his forgiveness will be taken seriously? Well, obviously not!

Apology can actually be a very powerful tool to help you gain forgiveness. However, you have to use it the right way. If you use it wrongly, an apology will not work. In fact, it will even make the situation worse.

One of the keys to apology is the timing. As mentioned above, apologizing immediately after broke is not going to work. You need to wait for your ex to calm down first before you attempt to apologize to him. Many people make the mistakes of trying to apologize too soon. Another mistake that you should take note of is that you should never try to defend yourself during the apology.

TIPS: A lot of people make this mistake by saying, 'I am sorry, but...' Never use the word 'BUT' in your apology. When you use this word, you are giving the impression that you are trying to defend yourself.

Get Ex Back to be your friend? It is difficult to explain but if you found the good time to apologize just do it. you probably knew that he may won't meet you or just under estimate your act but keep trying to be nice to him, cause there's always a forgiveness if you know how to explain and show your serious apology. But if he can't accept your apology, maybe he still need more time to forgive you, keep trying, show him that you have a good mission to him [want to be his good friend again]. ;))

KolonG "confuse to buy your boyfriend A GIFT"

It always happen when your boy friend wanna celebrate his birthday, when he's on success of his carrier, or just facing the day of your celebrating moment, we always confuse to think what a best gift to him, it happen to me too, but thanks to factoidz by giving me some idea about "gift" than proudly here to share with you, ;)

what to get the man who has everything (meaning you). Boys, don’t despair, men are a lot simpler than you think or perhaps not a simple as SOME of you think.
For a man in love, one of the best gifts is the joy of giving. Honestly, I’m not joking. Truly enjoy the gifts you receive or drop hints as to what you would really like, this will make the process a lot less stressful for your man and cause him to enjoy what you give him even more. That being said, there are a few tips a gay man should follow. Most men, at least not the childish type, don’t want expensive gifts. We will drop light hints throughout the year as to what we want, pay close attention when we are at the store. Find things that will be used more than stuffed away in a closet. If you can get a man something he will use year round AND something he likes, you’re a gift giving goddess.

If you are looking for a less practical gift, be romantic. Men like romance, we just hide it better. Take your man to your favorite romantic spot, if he insists to pay let him. Share a passionate night under the stars at a restaurant or the park, outdoors is best as long as he doesn’t have bad allergies. Share a evening of romance.

Sometimes cooking a favorite dish is good enough, don’t go all out and over do it. Sometimes less means more. Finally, if you happened to get the pervy type, try his favorite sexual position, something rare and special for him.

Good luck guys, hope this helps!! ;))

KolonG "how to be a good BF"

well, lot of email to me asking how to be a good BF and it was confusing me cause every man has their opinion about that. some friends of me said..."You are fortunate if you have a boyfriend who loves you too much. If you don’t want to lose him, you shouldn’t be just a boyfriend, but you should be a good boyfriend". thanks for "ST.BOTANICA" by giving me this idea to write ;)

many step to be a good bf for your boy, even in this gay world a few good men in loyal and giving a true love but we should think about this;

first of all Always be true to him. Boys hate boys who are liars. Also be honest. Honesty is one of the biggest things which will keep him closer to you always. If you hide anything from your boyfriend or tell him lie about something you will always be unsafe. Any day if he discovers the truth, he will be hurt and it may cause break up. Boys love truthful persons.

Praising your boyfriend’s beauty is one of the best ways to be a good boyfriend. Just think, why did you get attracted towards him? You might have found him too beautiful in your eyes or too many good qualities in him. So why not praise her qualities and make him feel proud of him. Boys spend a lot of time and money to look fancy and macho in his style for you. When you meet him, praise his handsome, his eyes, his dresses etc. This will make him feel that the time he spent in making himself look cool worked.

Love what he loves. If he loves his family, his brother or his teacher, you too should show him that you love and respect them. Even if you discover any bad quality in his family members, don’t tell him. If you discover that his father drinks and quarrels with his colleagues, do not tell him. He must know his father and his qualities better than you.

Boys love gifts. So gift your boyfriend with some items frequently. It will strengthen your relationship. It is not necessary to buy expensive gifts. You can gift him even a single t-shirt. Remember, he will be happy to know that you care for him; he would not mind the cost of the gift to you back. Above all, don’t ever let him feel that you are behind some other boy.

well, be nice and be good bf then, enjoy your happy time with him!! ;))